Not something we usually do. You gave me a peek today. You showed an emotion and I was elated. I at least know that you do feel something about me and us. That you care about me is obvious. But I want to know what's not obvious. You told me you have emotions but you don't show it. I want to ask why but I know.
I really hope that you were joking about becoming harder and more callous with me. My heart wouldn't be able to stand it.
You said you'd be sad if I met someone, but so would I. I'd be happy to meet someone who could fulfill my needs. But I'd be sad to lose you. I have so much conflict about us...about you.
I am simple to please and want to be loyal to you. But being loyal to you means that I'll bore you. Being loyal means I'll have no one to satisfy the needs you choose not to satisfy.
I know you worry about others satisfying me more than you can, and I want to tell you that I only want you to satisfy me. I know our last time together isn't what we both had hoped but if you only knew how patient I'm willing to be if I thought there'd be more.
You said that you were worse than the others, but its not like that. I'm not looking for just anyone. I'm looking for someone I have a real connection with. I'd rather be pleasured and patient with you than to have instant gratification with someone else. After they're done, there's nothing left.
I love and hate this feeling. I love loving you. I hate that I have to do it alone and from afar.
I feel so stupid writing the same things over and over but this is my only outlet. I can't tell you any of this. I'd lose you in a heartbeat and my heart couldn't stand it.
Dammit Kerry, why the fuck does it have to be like this? Why am I being punished?
I love you.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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