Seems like since I started writing I can't stop. I guess with all the chatting we do, this is where I get to tell you all the things I can't tell you. Like today was so lonely without us chatting.
We are chatting now and I want to tell you that I wish you would just hold me. In your arms. Or tell me that you want to.
Instead you are civil and cordial but nothing more. Passive, unaffectionate, and emotionally distant.....from me.
You say little things sometimes that hurt me and I wonder if you know it. They're minute things but they sting. Tiny little jabs. Tiny enough to go missed, but just big enough to be noticed.
I told you how embarrassed i was about those few days but you still bring them all the time. Playfully. Passive aggressively.
I told you how I felt about the tape. You said you would delete, but instead chose to tell me whenever you're watching it. Playfully. Passive aggressively.
I am sitting here, alone in my room, no cable and i'm here for you. I must be nuts.
Even if you did care about me more than you're willing to admit you don't show it so what's the point.
When does this end Kerry? I need you're help on this. I feel like you're waiting me out. And at this pace that could take forever. I try to push you off twice about work. First when you were coming back from vacation and most recently. I try to distance myself to help you help me but you pull me back.
I remember our early conversations about when we would take our 'break' . We'd laugh about it being soon. How long ago was that?
This has got to be the longest we've "been together" in years and years and years.
Sigh, i want to be able to talk to someone about this, but i can't because i'll sound nuts. I am nuts.
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