Hard as I try.......

I can't get you out of my mind this morning. I keep thinking about our talk last night. I was close...or at least I'm getting closer.

I don't think you understand how much I need you to open up to me. I am there for everyone...I want to be there for you.

Everyday I fall deeper and deeper in this ridiculous love I think i'm in. I almost blurted it out to you last night. But the last thing I want to do is say something to push you away from me emotionally.

Kerry, this is our time. We are both in this together. We have never been this aware and open with each other, won't you take a chance on me.

It's bad enough that this is coming years too late, but isn't it better late than never.

Don't go through the rest of your life feeling like you should've said something more to me but missed your chance.

Last night when you said it was ironic that you pump me for info while remaining closed off to me, it sent a pang of hurt through me. "Closed to you" the only part of that sentence that keeps looping through my head....."closed to you" "closed to you" It reminds me of when you told me that Laura probably knows you better than anyone. Another unintentional jab that hurt.

I know I can't help those things and i can't expect to feel like I know you more than your wife of 20 years. How said it is that I aspire to be the #2 girl in your life? I'd like to think that in some ways i'm your #1. But it's just something I need to tell myself to help me get through this.

You told me something that I felt were words coming out of my mouth......I think I am predictable and uninteresting if I'm not talking about sex. Don't you know how much I feel the same way? Every day I worry about boring the hell out of you.

I imagine you reading my emails and rolling your eyes in boredom.

Right now i'm listening to music. You've infiltrated even that. My music. I listen to everything closer. Songs I've never cared for suddenly call out to me. I"m listening to Creep. I love his wailing cry. I imagine it being you.

You're emailing me now. I know you're busy. I'm sending you a mental thanks. "Thank my love, for taking just a minute of your busy and crowded day to say hi"

Kisses my love.